This morning, I pulled myself up with the morning sun to shuffle my bones through an early run.
I went out, knowing that I was going to take it easy. Taking it easy turned out to be one of the kindest things I’ve allowed myself over the past couple years.
Since Fall 2014, I’ve been training hard – crazy hard – originally to loose a few pounds, then ultimately to reach a handful of PRs. For over a year and a half, I worked-out 15 hours a week, and obsessed over cadence, mile-splits, strength training, food, and body-fat %. And while all this effort led to some crazy achievements (which I still can’t believe I accomplished), these obsessions took a heavy toll on both my body and mind.
Now, every step is an effort, every workout is a chore, and each ounce of weight I gain is confirmation of my ongoing inadequacy.
So when I went out today, I let go of expectation. I went out just to move forward. I moved along to enjoy the pink sunrise. To peek around the next corner. To admire the trail dappled with morning light. I allowed myself to go without the driving music that I typically use to push my pace. I even allowed myself to pause along the way just to capture a few pictures of the fleeting morning-moments.
The simple, but incredibly difficult, task of letting go gave me just enough breathing room to take in the run as it was – just a run. Through a trail. In the early morning light. And for a few minutes, running became beautiful again.